Mornings

Mornings suck.

Concentration

For as long as I can remember I've always had trouble concentrating. Ever since I was in elementary school, all that it has taken to distract me was something shiny. Now, I'm not talking about the usual short attention span that most children and several adults posses. I'm talking about the complete lack of an attention span altogether. Just ask my wife. In fact, as I'm writing this post, I have to listen to really loud music so that I'm not distracted by all conversations going on around me on the train. Since this is something that I've been fighting my whole life I have learned a couple of tricks to help keep myself on task. The reason why I bring this issue of concentration up is that lately at work there hasn't been a lot to do. I can work all day long so long as people are constantly coming to me and asking for help, but when I have to find something to do on my own, I suck. It's not that I don't want to work. On the contrary, I feel really good about myself when I've been busy all day long and I've gotten something done. I just find that when left to my own devices, I do not do well. I hate when the end of the day comes and I realize that I've done little or nothing all day long. I feel like I should just leave my time card blank for the day. Any way, today was another very slow day. I think that I got a total of 2 service calls all day long and neither of them took more than 15 minuted to take care of. However, despite the lack of activity, I found that I was able stay productive all day long by working on one of my many projects. It felt so satisfying at the end of the day know that today I had done my job and I had done it well. Now the trick is to be able recall that feeling of accomplishment the next time I find that I need a little self motivation. Hopefully with a lot of hard work, and an insane amount of luck, I'll be able to someday rid myself of this nasty inability to be self-motivated and have an attention span of my very own. How cool would that be?!

Waiting

For some reason, I find that it's easier to blog when I'm waiting for something. Right now I'm waiting while my wife has surgery. It's nothing major so there's no need to worry and though I've told myself this time and time again, I can't help but wonder. I find myself thinking about how I would react if something were to go wrong. What would I do? How would I feel? How would I cope? It's at about this point that logic begins to kick in and I realize that there's no way that anything so terrible as losing my wife could result from this surgery. But, then accidents do happen. However, the chances are so slim that there's no need to worry. Then again, even though the chances are remote, there's still a chance. This has been my thought process for the past several days. Going back and forth, being worried then being reasonable. Needless to say, I'm looking forward for this all to be over so that I can get off of this emotional see-saw. In reality, the worst case scenario for this surgery isn't death, it's simply that it won't be successful. So, if that's the case, why can't I stop worrying? I must really care about my wife and truth be told, after all of the thinking that I've been doing, if I were to ever lose her, I wouldn't have any idea how I'd react or what I would do with myself. Sweetie, I love you. I will always be here for you and I pray that you'll do the same for me. I know that I can't ever say it enough, but I'll try ... I love you.