Crashed

I'm all about taking responsibility, but my lack of posting has not been entirely my fault. No, I'm afraid that some of the blame lies with Microsoft. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're thinking, "there are a lot of things in this world that we can blame Microsoft for, but your failure to blog can't possibly be their fault." Well, ladies and gentlemen, have I got a tale for you. I have spent the past several weeks putting my computer back together after attempting to install Windows Vista Service Pack 1. Here's how it all went down. I had been noticing that for about a month or two there was a Windows update that had failed to install several times, so after a little time with Google and the performance of some computer voodoo on my part, I was finally able to get that pesky little bugger to install. Little did I know that that problematic update was trying to protect me from a beast that would become the bane of my existance. Well, at least my bane for a couple weeks. You see, Windows Vista Service Pack 1 (or as I now refer to it, the Monster) had been waiting for months for that one update to install before it would unleash its fury upon my beloved Sonya. Sonya is what I named my laptop. I know I'm a geek, but I also know that there are those out there who understand me. The Monster seemed to install just fine, and even let me restart and use my computer. This, however, was just the beginning of the Monster's diabolical plan to lull me into a false sense of security. The next day when I turned my laptop on, the Monster struck. I couldn't get into Windows at all. I kept getting a message saying that I did not have a valid copy of Windows installed. I tried every option, trick, utility, spell, incantation, and virgin sacrifice that I could think of, but to no avail. I knew that I needed to call upon one who had battled the Monster before or my Sonya would be lost to me forever. So with shaking hand I dialed the number for Dell support. I will not write the name of the computer warrior whom I contacted. Mostly because I don't think that I could spell it if you paid me, but it sounded like nfrhemvhekj4y7dfnmgh. No, I'm not kidding. Call me a dumb American, but if both the technician and I have to say "what?" or "excuse me?" every time the other person says something, that's down right sucky customer service. Oh well, another rant for another day. I must say that I was impressed with ol' what's-his-name's depth of knowledge of the situation, but several hundred "what?"s and "excuse me?"s later, my Sonya was still in the clutches of the Monster. Finally, after admitting defeat, the tech uttered the word that made me want to kick, scream, and do something really awful to a guy named Bill. Reformat. What happened was when the Monster tried to install it got into a fight with my anti-virus software. It must have lost, because it screamed, "Well, fine! I'm taking my ball and going home!" And with that the Monster corrupted my validation file. That's the little piece of Windows Vista that let's you, you know, use Vista. Without that file, Windows is pretty useless. Now, here's the funny part. When I asked He-who-cannot-be-named what I could do to keep this from happening again, he told me to do the following. Before installing any Service Pack (i.e. Monster) I need to uninstall my anti-virus software, backup all 120 GB's of my data, stop all non-Microsoft services, disable all start-up items, and then install the Service Pack. Raise your hand if you know how to do that. Bueller? Bueller? As it turns out, I do know how to do all of that, but it is as hard as it sounds. Luckily, I was able to remove all of my data before reformatting and as far as I can tell nothing was lost. So, now after several weeks, Sonya is feeling much better and she is nearly back to normal. I still can't help but marvel at the irony of this whole thing. Microsoft wanted to keep my computer from being ruined by installing a Service Pack that ruined my computer. I guess I'd call this whole experience annoying, but only because my wife doesn't like it when I use those more colorful adjectives. Curse you Monster. Next time, you will be mine.